Glimpses from My Journal

I just finished a journal. That’s always a bitter sweet thing for me. So before I tuck it away and start in on a new one, I’ve been flipping through and remembering some funny, heart warming and touching moments from the past year.

One thing I use my journal for is to record things my kids say or a special moment that I never want to forget. Sometime it’s a dream they had that they shared with me, a song I observed them sing or the thoughts they have right before they drift off to sleep.

I’m going to share a few of these here, straight from my journal. They might just touch your heart and make you laugh too.

My journal begins in July 2010. Koa was 8 months old, Jude 2 1/2, Ezra 4 1/2, and Kai 7.

• 7/21/2010
  Yesterday Ezzy was worried that he might love Koa more than God and would God be angry about that?

• 7/27/2010
  Yesterday Jude lifted up my shirt and kissed by back. Silly boy!

• 8/1/2010
  Last night we turned the lights off, put on some music, cracked open a pack of glowsticks and had a dance party. I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

  Jude had some boxes set up as drums and was going nuts using his glowsticks as drumsticks. Kai had a green necklace and was doing some hysterical dance moves. Ezzy sat on the floor working hard to connect together a big chain. Koa sat on the floor holding a glow stick and watching everything.

  They got so tired they one-by-one ended up on the couch until finally I was sitting on the couch with 4 sleeping children watching Scott, dripping in sweat dancing an elaborate light show in his underwear. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

• 10/2/2010
  I overheard Jude and Ezra talking. Jude was telling Ezra, “Mommy’s my best friend.”

• 10/4/2010
  Ezzy’s song today: “Why would a momma chase an elephant…” over and over.

• 10/22/2010
  Ezzy’s song to Jude: “Even when we’re fighting and being mean to each other, God still loves you.”

• 10/23/2010
  Ezzy’s song: “I got lost in the woods. My mom and dad couldn’t find me. It was so sad. I couldn’t find the end of the jungle. And my mom and dad couldn’t find me.”

• 11/18/2010
  Ezzy’s song: “God I love you. Even when I’m mad I still love you. And I know that you love me. Ohhh, yeah. You love me. You always love me.”

• 11/25/2010
  Last night as Jude was falling asleep he asked, “Right that it’s going to be cold soon, for winter? For Christmas?” He looked so excited about that idea and did a little shiver to show being cold. I hated to disappoint him.

  “Not here, Jude, we don’t have winter in Costa Rica. We’re going to have Christmas at the beach.”

  “Ohhhh,” he said, smiling. He wasn’t disappointed, just interested to know.

• 12/1/2010
  Two nights ago Jude and I played “Frog and Toad.” I was Toad and he was Frog. He was very into it for like 1 1/2 hours.

  If he did something cute or funny and I laughed he was very offended and hurt, so I had to hold back any laughter and stay in character as Toad. He snuggled next to me to go to sleep, “Goodnight, Toad,” he said.”Good night, Frog,” I replied.

  He whispered himself to sleep still playing in his mind as he drifted off.

• 12/2/2010
  Last night I looked over at the couch where Kai sat, “Things People Do All Day,” open on his lap and a satisfied smile on his face. Ezzy was next to him sound asleep. “I just put Ezzy to sleep – I read him 2 stories,” Kai smiled at me.

• 12/4/2010
  Today our friend asked Kai what he wants for Christmas. Kai thought about it for a minute. “My homeschool curriculum!” he said. Then she asked Ezra and he said, “I just want whatever I get.”

• 12/20/2010
  Things I hear almost everyday of my life:
  “Are they all yours?”
  “Wow, you’ve sure got your hands full!”
  “Are they all boys??!”
  “That’s quite a crew!”
  Sometimes I feel like such a spectacle!

• 1/7/2011
  Tonight I was sitting on the bed in the dark nursing Koa with Jude laying next to me. “When I was little did you used to hold me?”

  What a vulnerable question! I talked all about when he was a baby and how I took care of him. He seemed really happy hearing about it.

• 3/2/2011
  Kai told me his dream – He and I were on a roller coaster and all of a sudden he flew out of the car!

• 3/3/2011
  “Remember when I used to have imaginary friends? Rhino and Ostrich.” Kai said with a dreamy look in his eye. “I used to play with them a lot. Even though I’m 8 now, sometimes I still feel like they’re out there.”

• 3/4/2011
  Kai was having a tantrum in the car. After he calmed down we talked a little bit about self control. Ezzy’s coment was, “Remember when I used to bite people?” I nodded. ”Sometimes when I’m mad I want to bit, but I don’t do it.”

• 4/8/2011
  Ezzy: “Do you know how hard I hit my head?”

  “How hard?”

  “I hit it so hard it feels like there’s a horn growing out.”

• 4/10/2011
  Jude feeling a painting said, “This is dry. All the wetness got invisible.”

• 5/1/2011
  Ezzy: “I think I’m going to be a bad guy when I grow up,” Ezzy said in a sad voice. “Because I always fight with Jude.”

• 5/30/2011
  Jude singing over and over while painting: “But I am bad. But I’m not bad. But I am bad. But I’m not bad.”

• 6/2/2011
  Jude has been having recurring nightmares where he wakes up terrifed, screaming and needs Daddy. He says a red thing with horns is chasing him trying to kill him.

  We’ve been praying for him every night to have good dreams, for protection, for Jesus to surround and carry him through the night. Yesterday while swimming he said to me, “You were in my dream last night.”

  “What were we doing?” I asked.

  “We were playing and swimming.” Smile. Yay, Jude! Happy Dreams!

• 6/14/2011
  Early morning, barely waking up, laying in bed Jude behind me. I roll over, “Jude, what do you think heaven is like?” I ask.

  “The sun.” He says.

  “You mean like it’s bright and there’s no darkness?” I ask.

  “Heaven is light!” he replies.

• 7/6/2011
  Before going to bed Jude said, “Some people don’t have houses.”

  “Yes, Jude, we need to pray for them that they can have a house.”

  “Well, they can sleep here! Cause they can sleep on one couch and the other one, and in my bed cause I don’t usually sleep there,” His face brightened up with the idea.

  “That’s a great idea, Jude.”

  He was still thinking about it… “Except… we don’t have enough spaces…”

  “That’s true,” I said.

  “So…maybe somebody will have to sleep in the pool!” The solution!

• 8/18/2011
  Jude: “I like you, mommy… So I just want to be with you!” Big hug.

• 9/7/2011
  Sweet things in my life right now… Jude piles stuffed animals on my lap and says, “These guys love you.”

  Koa takes both his hands and grabs my cheeks then pulls me to his face to give me a kiss. So much love.

• 9/15/2011
  I don’t know if it’s that he remembers nursing or something, but sometimes Koa looks at me and smacks his lips. Then he gives me a big lick like a puppy.

• 10/7/2011
  Going to bed each night we say what we’re thankful for. Two nights ago, the boys were so tired I forgot to ask them what they were thankful for. Jude, laying next to me, put his arm around me and said sleepily, “I’m thankful God made you.”

  I looked down at him, hugging me and watched him drift to sleep with a smile on his face.

• 12/22/2011
  Staying at a friend’s house, I walk into their TV room and all four of my boys shout “Yay!” I sit on the couch and they all gather around me to snuggle up, as close as possible and watch movies. I am so loved.

  Imagine… walking in a room and everyone cheers just because it’s You.

  Imagine… sitting down and everyone moves just so they can sit by you – as close as possible to You. This is my life.

• 11/10/2011
  Jude: If you hurt my feelings I’ll punch you in the face.

  Me: How about if I hurt your feelings you say, “Mommy, that hurt my feelings.”

  Jude: Yeah. (smile) And if I want to watch a movie that won’t make me stop crying. Just watching a movie won’t make me stop crying. Talking about it will. That’s what I learned from you.

  Big hug.

• 12/26/2011
  Jude falling asleep tonight, laying next to me, looks up and says, “Your eyes are beautiful, mommy.”

• 12/28/2011
  Jude: When we get home we can play the gorilla game. The grown ups can be gorillas and try to get the kids.

• 12/29/2011
  Kai: I realized something – I decided something. I need to change my whole life!

  Me: Like what?

  Kai: Well, my diet and being weak and showers and work. Cause you know how I’ve been walking around (shows me his mopey, sad walk) Today I did exercise and I cleaned up. And I forgot that I do like showers.

  Me: I bet you feel really good inside.

• 12/29/2011
  Ezzy watching his turtle eat: He’s ferocious. Because he thinks he’s a predator.

• 1/7/2012
  Ezzy: When I grow up you know what kind of work I want to have? I want to help give stuff to people. Like gives kids cool stuff like computers. That would be the best job ever.

• 1/12/2012
  Jude:I had a dream about you.
  In a garden.
  You and me were looking at all the pretty flowers.
  And you were in the middle.
  And all your friends were around you and your kids and of course your boyfriend, which is daddy.
  It’s a dream for you.
  And when I pray for you, I give you the dream.

This was really special for me to go back through the past year and a half and remember these sweet, special moments.

Sometimes in motherhood it’s so all consuming. Sometimes things are so physically and emotionally demanding on us as moms that negative thoughts can take over.

It’s like we’ve longed to have these children and now that we have them we can’t wait for them to just grow up, already.

For me, jotting down these special things over the years helps me to pause and savor those special, goosebumps, wow moments that we have. Because we do have them. Often more than we even realize. I bet even right now you could write a post just like this full of all the cute, sweet, amazing things that your children say.

I want to encourage you to write it down. That special, unique way that your child tells you how he’s feeling. The funny phrases and words they use to express just what they’re feeling. Those “wow” moments when they really seem to grasp a difficult life concept. Savor it. Treasure it.

Thanks for sharing these moments with me.

I hope you’ll share with me some of your special moments right here in the comments and warm my heart with the unique, specialness of your own child. Really, I would love to hear from you.

xo,

Leslie