Homeschool is Healing Me

Have things ever gotten kind of out of control in your life?

Sort of spiraling beyond what you can feasibly manage?

Well, that’s how things got in my life.

The end of January and beginning of February felt like the hardest weeks of my life. My heart has experienced sorrow, loss, grief, pain and anger beyond what I thought imaginable.

There were days and moments I literally felt I couldn’t breath. I felt a heaviness in my chest, like someone sitting on top of me. My throat felt like it was closing up with emotion. I experienced sleepless nights. And then days I felt all I could do was sleep. Just curl up in a ball and disappear. I felt so heavy and tired I didn’t know how to face the day.

Then there were days I worked so hard I felt weary to the bone. I guess the term would be psychological and emotional exhaustion.

How do I even begin to pick up the pieces of my life? And my children? Eating granola bars for every meal, watching endless TV and movies. Watching their neighbors head back to school after summer break but no school starting for them.

Moms, have you ever been there? Or in a similar place?

I sat in my school room on Monday with a friend and mentor home-schooling mom. First, she sat and cried with me. She wouldn’t let me move forward without acknowledging and validating, and even experiencing with me the depth of pain in my heart.

Slowly over the course of the day we began to move beyond that. She finished the day with me by pulling books and curriculum off my shelves, sketching out a basic schedule, charting what to cover and to begin homeschool with my 1st and 3rd grader.

I sat in a daze absorbing every word she said.

Do you ever have those moments where you just need someone to tell you what to do? Because you just can’t wrap your brain around it in the state you’re in?

That’s what my friend did for me. In the most loving, gentle, kind way imaginable.

So Tuesday morning with all my supplies ready I gathered my boys at a table on our front porch. My 9 year old, Kai, was not thrilled about this. And I get it. He didn’t know what to expect and he got used to spending his days his own way.

But the truth is he was bored. And we were disconnected. We were missing out on all those normal, family, daily interactions that feed the souls of children.

So Kai was skeptical. He sat at the table reluctantly. Each child had a blank piece of paper and colored pencils in front of him. I began reading A Child’s History of the World as the boys colored quietly. Kai was intrigued in spite of himself and asked if I would read another chapter. And I did. It led to some great chatter and discussions.

Then I started with The Usborne Book of Knowledge which begins with a unit on birds. Birds? The boys complained. But I started anyway and sure enough they were hooked after the first page.

We also picked back up in Leading Little Ones to Godand read about how God speaks to us. It was just lovely.

As we wrapped up our time at the table I gave out assignments. 2 workbook pages for Ezzy – one for math and one for language arts. And one reading lesson with me in Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.

Kai’s assignments include one math lesson in Teaching Textbooks 3, independently reading one chapter from his reader, The Whipping Boy, spelling words practice and one phonics worksheet.

I told them this work can be completed at any time, it just has to be done before dinner. The only catch is they can’t watch TV or play with friends until their work is done. Other than that it’s up to them.

I also picked up where we had left on in our reader, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, during those down times in the afternoon or evening.

I would never have imagined how much a simple schedule like this could mean to us – to me.

When everything around me is swirling out of control – this anchors me. When my heart is hurting – this ties my heart together with my children and it feels healing. When I feel I can’t get out of bed, I know I have little people waiting for me, eager to spend time together.

Instead of pushing me over the edge, as it felt like it would, it turns out that homeschooling is doing just the opposite. It’s pulling me through one of the most difficult times in my life.

Last night as I lay with Ezzy before he fell asleep I listened to him chat about his day. As he got sleepy and began drifting off he said in a voice of amazement, “I can’t believe we’re learning about ostriches tomorrow…”

Then this morning I woke up to Kai standing over me saying, “Is it time for school yet?” When I went outside he had the whole table set up and ready.

I can’t say how things will go tomorrow or the next day, or even the next week or month. But for right now, for today, homeschool is healing me.