I Made a Commitment to Being Fat

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Time to face the facts - this girl's never coming back! (That's me on the right)

Since giving birth to my last son, Koa, 2 1/2 years ago, I haven’t quite managed to get back to my “normal” size or fit back into most of my clothes.

Sure, I had about a month of dealing with a parasite and for a brief time I thought I was “back.” But it didn’t last.

So realistically, for the last 2 1/2 years I have had about 3 pairs of shorts and a few shirts that actually fit. The rest are items I try to uncomfortably squeeze into.

“I haven’t got a thing to wear” does not, of course, mean that we must resort to nakedness or seclusion; it means that our wardrobes contain nothing that might match our mood or offer a just reflection of our current lives. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

I’ve just been sort of patiently waiting for that day to arrive when I can finally fit back into my clothes and feel comfortable in my own skin.

It’s kind of a horrible way to live, isn’t it?

So the other day I was sitting on a blanket under a mango tree at the park reading books to my kids, playing with our hamster and our dog. The neighbor girl brought her rabbit out and we were all squealing with delight holding this furry, soft, snuggly creature.

And right then I had this thought – this epiphany moment – and I realized, “This is my life.”

This is me. 

Sitting here under this tree, living in a hot, tropical climate, spending most of my time with some squirming, living creature – whether human or animal – on my lap. Surrounded by books, paint, glue, scissors, sand, water and sun. This is me.

And then I thought to myself, “If I could be wearing anything in the world right now what would it be?”

I immediately could feel the soft, cotton cloth I would choose, with a relaxed, comfy but cute style.

“Style is the intersection of what you wear with who you are.” ~ Leah Feldon-Mitchell

“It wouldn’t be denim. It wouldn’t be tight,” I thought as I looked down at my denim jean shorts stretched tightly across my stomach.

“I am convinced that we are our own best selves in comfort clothes. Somehow, through the alchemy of fiber andfit, we are once again restored to Paradise, this time not naked before the Great Creator, but reveling in the clothes She intended for us to wear.

Unfortunately, comfort clothes exist for most of us only as a footnote to our lives, not center stage as they would if a sensible woman were in charge of the earthly scheme of things. Perhaps we feel good for eight hours out of twenty-four, but that is not nearly good enough. The rest of the time we’re squeezed into uncomfortable things that pull, pinch, tug, choke, itch, hike up or down, and make the days of our lives miserable. We wear these creations of torture, we tell ourselves, in order to be agreeable to the rest of the world. But why shouldn’t we find a way of making the rest of the world agreeable to us instead?” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

The following week we were at the beach for our Saturday Surf day and my husband sent me out to get a surfboard repair kit.

It ended up taking awhile for the surf shop to get the kit so I browsed around a little while I was waiting. A sales woman walked up and pointed to a wall of women’s clothes. “These are all 1/2 off,” she said.

My eyes glanced over the racks and then lit up as I saw pair after pair of soft, high quality, light, comfy shorts. Exactly what I had imagined that day on the blanket.

Without thinking I grabbed a few pars off the rack – all in size large. Not “extra-small” as I would “prefer.” They fit like a dream.

“To choose clothes, either in a store or at home, is to define and describe ourselves.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Before I could think too much more I threw them on the counter and pulled out my credit card.

As I walked back to the car with my bag of purchases I thought to myself, “I’m making a commitment to being fat.”

I know that sounds horrible, but hear me out, this is what I meant:

Instead of sitting here day after day complaining about how fat I feel and how nothing fits me – I’m going to embrace it. I’m going to actually invest and buy some clothes that fit me, that reflect my lifestyle and make me feel great.

“I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” ~ Gilda Radner

That afternoon I tore my wardrobe apart. I packed away all my small and extra-small clothes once and for all. I only left things on my shelf that I love and that make me feel good.

And guess what happened? I stopped complaining about feeling fat. I started to feel good about my body and my little pudgy stomach.

I like me.

I like how I look and I love my life. For me, having clothes that suit the part made all the difference.

“The key to loving how you live is knowing what it is you truly love.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Those few purchases and moment of enlightenment have changed the way I feel about myself.

Your process will be different than mine, but today take a minute to stop and realistically take view of your life.

Do your clothes authentically reflect who you are? Do they give expression to the woman that resides inside? Or are they getting in the way?

My clothes were holding me back in so many ways – mentally, emotionally and physically.

Coming into your own and living the life you want means making a commitment to it in your wardrobe choices.

So how do you feel about your clothes and your life? Let’s discuss.

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