I’m always amazed at how people are so interested in how other people’s children sleep. It seems to be a huge topic of concern for parents. I have people frequently ask me about how my children are sleeping. I always stutter a little, not quite sure how to answer. The answer I give is usually not an expected or anticipated answer. It used to make me feel uncomfortable or awkward. Now I just sort of chuckle inside as I see their look of puzzlement! So that got me thinking, why don’t I share on my blog how we all sleep? It’s something that people truly seem to be interested in! Whenever I divulge the secrets of our sleeping arrangement there seems to be immediate concern about the state of my marriage! So I’ll touch on that too!
When 7:00 pm rolls around my kids start begging me to go to bed. They’ve usually had a long, full day running and playing outside, inside, at the beach and at the skateboard ramp. They are ready to crash. And bedtime is one of their favorite times. Usually from 6 or 6:30 to 7:00 or 7:30 I’m on the couch reading stories. So by 7:00 or 7:30 we’re ready to brush teeth and climb in bed. I arrange the bed with me and Koa sitting in the middle and a space for Koa to lay down on my right when he finishes nursing. Jude has a pillow on my left and Ezra and Kai each have a pillow laying sideways at the foot of the bed. They climb in and we dim the lights. These are the most treasured moments of my day. In the quietness and calm of being all snuggled together in bed, one or more of the boys starts to talk about his fears, hopes, dreams, or big life questions about God, about the meaning of life, etc. It’s always a holy moment. So we talk like philosophers or theologians together, I pray for each one, I nurse Koa while we all lay quietly and they drift off to sleep with smiles on their faces. While they are quiet and drifting off I play solitaire on my ipod. It’s a very relaxing, calm moment for me. Once they are all out, I sneak out of the bed and leave them to snooze together for the evening in our bed. It doesn’t have to be this way, obviously, but I love it. It’s really hot here in Jaco, Costa Rica, so we use these special moments to turn on the air conditioning, which somehow makes the moment just that more special and calm.
What! You shout! What about your marriage! That is your marriage bed! Hee hee. That just makes me chuckle. I don’t know if you are paying attention to what has been happening here – my children – all FOUR of them are happily sound asleep, without a fuss or cry by 7:30 pm!!! My husband and I don’t usually go to bed until 11 pm, leaving us an entire 3 ½ hours to spend together, when our evenings are free. And we take advantage of those free evenings, believe me. We sit on the couch, we talk all about our day, processing everything together. We laugh, we talk, we connect, and you know, one thing might just lead to another… but I’m not going to be giving details here about that! All I can say is, you don’t need to worry about the intimacy of our marriage. Having children who happily go to sleep – all together, early, without a battle, building connection and intimacy with us and each other is probably the greatest benefit to our marriage.
When 11 p.m. rolls around and we’re sleepy, Scott takes the bigger boys and transfers them into their room. I snuggle in between Jude and Koa. Koa usually wakes up a little at this time and I lay with him and drift off nursing him to sleep, snuggled between Jude and Koa. I absolutely love it. Scott usually joins the other two in their room, not loving the snuggled-ness quite as much as me. When I wake up in the morning Jude and Koa are usually peeking over me and giggling at each other. They slowly wake up and start to roll around giggling together. Kai, Scott and Ezra are usually already up – they are the morning people! My husband has always already made coffee and if I’m lucky he’ll sometimes bring me a cup in bed! I am so not a morning person – but waking up to these giggling boys and my husband with coffee definitely helps!
And as a side note –this is a rough sketch- every night is not the same. Sometimes one is sick and it throws the whole night off, or having nightmares, or some other disruption. Believe me, we have had many sleepless nights in our 8+ years of parenting! But that’s ok, that’s part of the deal and we just roll with it as best we can.
So there you have it. The intimate ins and outs of our sleeping arrangement. For now. It changes frequently, it always does. We’re all in transition as these boys grow and move through different stages. But I’m confident that it will always be something peaceful and lovely. And when the day comes that my husband and I have our bed all to ourselves, I know we will love it. But I also know we will always treasure these memories we have with our boys. And hopefully the things we’re doing now will be paving the way for an amazing, close connection with each of them as they grow up and move toward independence.
Ok, I’ve bared my soul – what about you, how do your children sleep? Are you happy with how things are?
I live in Michigan and my kids sleep in my bed. That almost feels like one of those AA confessions. I tell people that my son always sleeps with me he’s 4. I often get “I’m sorry” or well that works for you because you are single. I have 3 kids and haven’t always been single obviously, but have had kids in my bed since my daughter was born. One of the best parts of my day is my kids having that heart to heart while we lay there. They tell me about some kid at school that is mean or things that scare them. Also, that moment when they snuggle up and you just breathe them in is wonderful. I do move the older 2 to their beds when I get ready to go to sleep. I often hear about other peoples kids who refuse to go to bed and wonder if maybe they are just scared or lonely but they don’t know how to express themselves. I don’t judge how other people sleep though just as I wish they didn’t judge me.
Heehee, our set up is much the same here. My kids love to go to bed too, it is a place of security and love and togetherness. Love this post!
First off, what a pure blessing it is to have found your website. I have a 6 year old boy, and a 4 and 1 year old girls. I have been on this site for days now and I Am learning so much. Attachment parenting is something, sadly, I wasnt fully aware of. I approach bedtime and sleeping differently now and it feels so right now.Thank you for everything.
Wow Michelle! Thank you for your comment, that really touches me that you have found encouragement here! I am so blessed to know that! I hope to have the chance to get to know you more here. xo
What a great post, Leslie! It is so true that so many people are concerned with how children sleep! My kids also “beg to go to sleep” oftentimes. They usually go to sleep later – 10pm-11pm, but I love it because then everyone sleeps in in the morning (and I’m not a morning person either). We have two boys 2.5 and 5 year-old and a baby on the way. We always co-slept with the boys and recently my 5-year-old said that he wants to sleep on his own, in his own bed in his own room and go to sleep all on his own! So, that was kinda cool but also strange at the same time (after so many years of co-sleeping)
My 2.5-year-old usually falls asleep in his own bed too, we cuddle up together and he goes to sleep, and then comes to our bed in the middle of the night.
So sweet! Thanks for sharing your bedtime routine!
So glad it’s peaceful and working with you!
Leslie, this is so sweet, and thank you so much for sharing it. I have 3 boys, ages 10, 8, and 3. The 3 year-old is read to at night, then falls asleep in the chair with mommy or daddy and is laid in bed. The two older boys can be so difficult to get into bed. They fight, or they play because they can’t settle down, or they just read. I’ve found that when I am impatient because I want to watch something on tv, or even just spend time with my husband before he goes to work (he works the over night shift as a police officer), they are much more difficult to get settled. It seems they can sense that I am trying to “get rid of them”. So they push back harder for attention. But if I tell them to get ready and I will come lay down with them (with whichever child is on the bottom bunk–they switch every two weeks), they usually get into bed easily and bedtime is much easier. Sometimes it is frustrating, because it’s often the only time my husband and I have to see each other by ourselves, but it’s worth the peacefulness in the home, and the happiness they have as they drift off to sleep. I love laying there listening to their breathing become deep and rhythmic, feeling their bodies relax, knowing that mommy is right there with them. It’s so easy to feel like this time will last FOREVER (and not in a good way!), that I have to remind myself how fleeting this young time really is, and that they won’t want me to sleep with them forever, and this will be both a relief and sad. Anyway, thanks again for sharing, and I’ve been enjoying reading your blog!
Hey Leslie, Thanks for sharing this. The pictures are beautiful! I love it that your boys like to go to sleep together, that is so sweet. I’ve also had people question the health of my marriage when they hear that I sleep with our daughter and my husband sleeps alone (or with the dog). But we too have a peaceful bedtime at 7pm and then get the whole evening to connect.
Sometimes I go to bed with my husband and then join my daughter when she wakes up for a nurse. But I definitely get more sleep co-sleeping than I would otherwise. We’re just doing what works best for us. I’m so happy to know there are other parents out there practicing attachment parenting. I just wish more people understood that this really is what’s best for our family!
oYour story sounds just like ours
. Though my 10yo was going to bed like at 4am lately and waking up at 1pm. That is no biggie with me, except that she still sleeps in the room with us (in her own bed). It was fine by me until I got pregnant 4 mo ago and I need all the sleep I can get so I told her that if she wanted to stay up that she was totaly welcone to but out of consideration for the rest of us in the room that she should sleep in her room. Since she still wanted to sleep in the room with us she agreed to go to bed earlier. It was her choice, and she was happy with it. We have 4 kids ages 10, 7, 4, 2 and a bun in the oven. They go from their rooms to ours, but more so in ours. We’ve been married for 12 yrs and hubby and I have never had any issues being intimate. It makes it more fun to figure out ways if you catch my drift 
. And we have never had any trouble with our kids sleep like so many of our friends do who do the typical ‘thing’.
I love how each person’s bedtime is so DIFFERENT! Yet, if you feel good about it, your children and husband are happy and it “works” for you, then it’s a wonderful thing. Bedtime and sleep should be peaceful for children, I do believe that – it is a special time. Thanks for sharing!
Mine both sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms. My son slept in my room until he was around 15 months, in my bed mostly. Now, after the jammies and potty time, I take my son into room and cuddle him in his rocking chair and nurse him, then my husband comes in and climbs into his bed and snuggles him there for a few minutes. Then we leave him to sleep. He might talk or play but goes to sleep happily. I go in my daughter’s room and repeat the cuddles and nursing in her chair, give her a hug, and send her off to bed. She, too, may talk or play awhile before going to sleep. They are happy this way. Our new baby (due early Aug) will be in our room and possibly our bed, as desired, for the first few months or so. My daughter never liked co-sleeping so we didn’t. My son did, so we did.
Sounds like a very sweet and peaceful bedtime routine you have for your little ones! What a blessing it is to have a peaceful bedtime – I think it is a special time to share with our children
Ha! That is so funny that people are so intrigued by your sleeping habits…and the state of your marriage
I love your routine- my favorite part is the quiet, calm right before sleep where your boys talk about life, dreams, and fears. How sweet!
Our bedtime routine is simple right now- reading from the bible, prayers, jesus loves me with a back rub and kisses good night in their cribs. The twins share a room and “talk” to each other until they fall asleep
That sounds so nice and easy! What a blessing. I love that they “talk” to each other in their cribs, that is so cute!
Isn’t funny how sleep seems to be such an important subject!? I’m always asked about it too. Our sleeping situation is a little different as our kids prefer to sleep in their own beds. In fact, barring the infant years, they’ve never even wanted to be in our bed! However, our bedtime routine is similar to yours. We start off reading stories…sometimes we’ll all read the same ones sometimes different. Jack is currently engrossed in the Narnia series so I frequently read with him while Alex reads to the other two. After that we usually have family prayer time where we talk about things going on in our family and friends that we want to pray for. Then my kids are happy to go off to their beds. Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s not so much as where your child sleeps, but that he/she feels secure and has a routine…at lest in my observations that’s what equals a happy well-rested child!
That sounds really sweet, Emily. What a special, peaceful time for your family!
I think I’m going to share your post on my blog today! LOVE IT! Our sleeping arrangement…not so great….the baby sleeps like an angel…every night I rock and nurse him to sleep around 7ish, even if he doesn’t fall asleep on my lap I can always lay him down in his crib, turn on his white noise and he is out like a light. The girls are another story. They share a room and bedtime is a battle every night. Endless bathroom trips and drinks of water, screaming, playing, tattling, making messes, fighting etc. I lose my patience almost everynight. Right now the threat is that if they come out of their room after we’ve tucked them in they lose tv for the next day. Let’s just say the tv has been off a lot the past few days. We always try and have a peaceful time talking and praying over them but one of them usually gets in trouble for messing around while we pray, or I try and rush through the prayer time so they don’t get in trouble for messing around while we pray. I hate it. I like them sharing a room, but at 3 and 5, it’s just a pain. I don’t know how to fix it.
Thanks for the comment, Lisa and for linking my post! I love your post about this topic, “Mommy Confessions“! That’s so true, because that is how it feels, like you’re confessing something very personal and intimate, but there’s something freeing about just sharing it, let people judge you if they will! hahaha! Thanks for sharing, I left a comment on your post with one suggestion, but I don’t know if it will help! Hoping you get some good tips from other mamas and get a good arrangement going that you’re really happy with. xo